Obsessions and Compulsions
I have a small ‘perversion’ I need to share – I adore the smell
of parrot feathers. Red, white, yellow, blue and green, powder down feathers or not,
I’m not picky – any psittacine species will do. I just have this compulsion to
bury my nose in the tummy feathers of any parrot I meet.
Now, I have to say this obsession has gotten me into
trouble more than once. After all, a parrot’s tummy is only slightly south of an even
more impressive part of a parrot’s anatomy – it’s beak. And I have learned
from sad (and painful) experience that those beaks are often brought into play when
strange middle-aged women accost the tummies of parrots that aren’t accustomed to
having their tummies accosted in this manner. BUT, this obsession of mine cannot be
controlled (by me, anyway), so I have learned a few tricks over the years that enable me
to satisfy this addiction with a minimum of risk to my vanity (and my reputation as a
parrot behavior consultant).
Since I have recently discovered other unfortunates
sharing in this compulsion, I figured that, rather than start a Support Group (Tummy
Kissers Anonymous?), I would share some of my avoidance techniques. We addicts need all
the help we can get.
Facial Bites
But before getting into that, I want to discuss facial bites. After all, facial
bites are obviously going to happen to inexperienced compulsive tummy kissers and facial
bites are a Real Problem.
Since I worked in veterinary hospitals as an animal
tech for 20+ years with all kinds of small animals, it’s obvious that I don‘t
worry much about the possibility of getting bitten by an animal. I can’t say that I
don’t mind being bitten (I’m not THAT crazy, thank you). But I’ve
survived chomps from many a different mouth, and I’m still alive and I still have ten
(count ‘em, 10) functioning fingers. I should also mention that scars don’t
particularly concern me. If I were concerned about scars, there were lots of easier (and
better paying) ways to make a living that are not animal related.
Educational Experience
So the first time I got bitten in the face, I was not at all prepared for the
visceral nature of my reaction – and I was extremely lucky and was not
severely injured. I’d been working with veterinarians (and other kinds of animals)
for over a decade – then I was bitten in the face by a very large dog. With previous
bites, I’d been a tad skittish around animals of the same type for a few days, but
that was my only reaction. After all, animal bites happen when people work with animals,
and that’s part of the territory – it’s not a daily occurrence, but
it’s certainly not unusual.
You maybe swear a little, shrug, do a little first
aid and start healing. And I heal really well.
BIG Difference
But facial bites are different, I found. VERY DIFFERENT. After being
bitten in the face, it was a good six months before I could be on face level with an dog (any
dog) without getting a really nervous stomach (and nervous stomachs are not my style!).
Since that day, I have never been on face level with a dog without being conscious of
exactly what that dog could do if it so chose. It’s not that I’m afraid of
dogs now, or that I don’t like them… it’s just that I am more aware of
potential dangers than I ever was before. So that facial bite, many years ago, has made a permanent
difference in the manner in which I approach dogs.
Super Trick For Whom?
Parrot owners often like the idea of teaching their parrots tricks, and one of
the first tricks many syndicated parrot magazines teach is Giving Kisses. This is
generally taught by the human holding a sunflower seed (or other treat) in his/her lips
and rewarding the bird when it takes the see, therefore "giving a kiss." This is
a fabulous idea, far as I’m concerned. It makes perfect sense to offer one of the
most sensitive and tender parts of one’s anatomy (psychologically as well as
physically) to a sharp little parrot beak! Who thought of that one, a plastic surgeon?
The Dangers of Shouldering Parrots
Parrot people who have kept abreast of current information about parrot behavior
are aware that allowing a parrot on one’s shoulder is NOT recommended by those of us
that are called parrot behavior consultants. Aside from the obvious dominance issues that
can arise when a psittacine is above eye level, there is the very real problem of facial
bites. As Sam Mall joked several years ago, "Why do you think all those pirates had
an eye patch?!"
Parrot companions are not the only ones who’ve
discovered the dangers of parrots on people’s shoulders. During a beginner’s
avian veterinary lecture years ago, I loved the advice offered by an experienced
practitioner to his audience of avian veterinary wannabes: "Never capture a parrot
off a part of the owner’s anatomy that you are not prepared to repair."
Growing List
In the years that I’ve lectured around the country about parrot behavior, I
have collected a list of names of people I have actually met – not just talked to on
the phone or heard about – who have had plastic surgery to repair damage to their
faces caused by parrot bites. At this time, that list has grown to 33 names.
To be perfectly frank, this doesn’t concern me
at all. What does concern me is what has happened to those 33 parrots who, for whatever
reason, bit their owners so badly. In every one of those cases, either of two things
have happened: they lost their homes, or they still live there but haven’t had real
human interaction since. And for most parrots, social creatures that they are, the
latter was probably the worse fate.
The day after an emergency room visit for three
stitches in her lip, a client of mine told me about the experience. She’d heard me
lecture about this, and she’d understood what I’d said – yet she still
wasn’t prepared for the psychological impact of a facial bite. Commenting that she
was really glad the cut was the result of a "kiss" from a friend’s bird and
not her own, she said, "NOW I understand, and I can really see how something like
this could do permanent damage to a relationship with a bird."
Obvious Dangers, But....
So ok, putting one’s face close to that little buzz saw’s face is
obviously dangerous. A parrot is, after all, Nature’s Cuissinart.ä (Someone on the
internet described his bird as a Chain Saw With Feathers). However, I’ve already
confessed to an addiction here, and addictions aren’t easily dismissed. So how does
one minimize the danger of a cheap (or cheep) nose job? I have a few tricks that have
worked (so far) for me.
Official Disclaimers
Before I go any further with this, here are two disclaimers I need to insert.
(These are, after all, still the 90s) First and most importantly, none of these
techniques should be used with a parrot who would be frightened by such impudent and
brazen behaviors from a human. Not ever. This is supposed to be at least
tolerable to the bird, not torture. And second, don’t kid yourself that these tricks
of mine will protect you from facial bites. They can decrease the risk, but they certainly
don’t eliminate it. And none of these techniques will even begin to protect you from
a parrot who wants to bite you. Easiest way to avoid a bite from that critter is to
stay in another room.
Nozzle Nuzzling Trick #1: Beak Holding
This one’s pretty obvious, and works nicely when dealing with species of
psittacine whose beaks are easy to grasp firmly with one’s fingers. (For many sizes
of human hands, hyacinth macaws don’t fall into this category.) Once I’ve
decided I can no longer resist a fast nose nuzzle with a parrot, I’ll gently grasp
its beak with a couple of fingers and pop in for a quick fix. This is a hit and run kind
of technique, to be used for a quick tummy kiss but not to be used for prolonged nuzzling
sessions.
Nozzle Nuzzling Trick #2: The Loving Neck
Throttle or Throat Grab
I couldn’t think of a better name for this one, and these two names sound
quite violent, which the techniques most definitely is not. When a bird is relaxing and
enjoying a good head stroking, I gently grasp it around the neck and bring up my thumb to
block it’s face. This leaves the field clear for a kiss or snuggle.
Nozzle Nuzzling Trick #3: Mutual Trust Beak
Restraint
This is my favorite technique for nose nuzzling with a bird that doesn’t
know me well. To demonstrate it’s safely with me, I offer a hostage – usually my
thumb. With my pollex in its mouth, it can quickly and emphatically inform me if it
doesn’t like my attentions. Since I do so much consultation work, I am often pushing
the envelope with birds I’ve just met. I feel it is only fair that I offer this
gesture – and interestingly enough, I have not been bitten (YET), using this
technique.
Other Fun, Kisser-Threatening Games
For an addicted nose nuzzler like myself, these tricks have enabled me many a
snout snuggle that would otherwise have been foolhardy or virtually impossible. So far,
they have kept my gorgeous face intact. (They have also kept my regular face intact, which
is great since that’s the only one other people see.)
They can also facilitate tow other games that many
parrots seem to really enjoy – opposed to tolerate (which is what most do with Tummy
Kisses): Mouth Blowing and Wingpit Raspberries.
Mouth Blowing: For some unknown reason
(to me, anyway), most parrots seem to get a huge kick out of having someone blow in
their mouth. They usually respond with eyes flashing and unrestrained birdie
tongue-wagging. My own blue and gold macaw (Sam, a.k.a. The Blue Chicken) responds to this
game by making blowing noises back ("phooooooo!"), then snickers ("hehehehehe").
Wingpit Raspberries: This game is
played by burying your face under a parrot’s wing and blowing with your mouth up
against the bird’s skin. This is also called a "ploo," due to the noise one
can make when it is done properly. Again, this appears to be wildly funny to many parrots,
especially bappies.
In conclusion...
So, for pitiful souls such as myself who are addicted to the extraordinary smells
of these extraordinary creatures, there is a chance of avoiding nasal amputations and
split lips. These tricks certainly can’t protect you, but at least they tell you the
location of a parrot’s beak when your face is too close to see it. And that may give
you enough warning should something (like you) upset the bird.
For those of you who can’t tolerate the idea of
a facial bite, it is easy to avoid – don’t put your face anywhere near a
parrot. And for those fearless danger junkies in the audience, don’t whine if you
get your face a tad customized. Otherwise … live dangerously!
This article was first published in THE PET BIRD
REPORT, Vol. 7, No. 4, Issue #36.
Liz Wilson, Certified Veterinary Technician, has been assisting
pet bird owners with parrot behavior problems for over a decade through lectures,
seminars, phone and in-home consultations.